When I first met you, I felt intoxicated by your presence. Something about the way you spoke just excited my senses. I was drawn to you like a moth to a flame and before I knew it, I was completely captivated by you.

You made my pulse rush every time I saw you and my heart felt like it was beating only for you. Every moment we shared was like reading the pages in a book you don’t want to end. Your imagination and creativity inspired me to try new things and take risks in my own life. Your sensitivity and compassion touched my heart and healed me in the dark times of my life.

I know I hurt you in ways I never intended. Being so self-absorbed in my own struggles, I often missed your own. And in my ignorance, I often said and did things that hurt you. I would often joke or make light of things that caused you pain. And I took too much time away from you and your own needs when you were trying to move things forward in your own life.

I don’t know if we were right as a couple. I know that I loved you and that for right or wrong, you made a place in my heart that to this very day, I am unable to sweep clean. The embers of our love are dear to me, even though only ashes remain.

Each morning I think of you as I rise, and I go through my day often wondering how you are. And then as I go to bed, I think of you again, wishing that my day could be complete by having you in my arms.

I’ve tried to give you up… I’ve tried to move on, but no matter what I seem to do or who I am with, my thoughts return to you. I know we can’t be together and perhaps that’s for the best, but my heart still longs for you. It’s not fair to anyone else, so I’ve not sought a serious relationship with anyone else.

I don’t know where my life will take me, and I know my ex has moved on. It hurt when I heard she is going to London for a week on her honeymoon, but that too I’m letting go. Everyone needs to follow their own paths and be true to their own hearts. As for me, I am good knowing that I have been loved and that I don’t need to have a relationship with someone now to feel good about myself. I am who I am, and my struggles make me a better person. I want to be strong for myself, for my girls, and for my love, whether she returns or the future provides.

I wish I could share with you more… my desire and longings for you in ways that only you know. For what it’s worth, time has not changed my thoughts of you, but it has given me the chance to be stronger. I’m strong enough to love you without having you, and strong enough to live alone without needed someone to take your place. Maybe one day I may find someone to share my heart with, but you will never leave my thoughts.

I hope if you read this that none of this is hard for you. If it is, again I am sorry. I don’t mean to make your life more difficult but rather I would have you know that you are cherished and that regardless of circumstances, you will always be dear to me. Maybe I’ve said too much, I don’t know. I don’t want things to change, I just want want to show you how much you are worth and that you will never be forgotten.

May you live in happiness and peace, and may your thoughts never be troubled by your circumstances. Oh, and may you never be without a bucket, for its uses are many…