I know I haven’t written anything in a long time. It was an intentional and somewhat difficult decision I made. I’m not even sure that writing now is a good idea. But there you go. Life isn’t always made of good decisions.

Yesterday my ex-wife remarried and today is either flying or has arrived in London for a two week honeymoon. I was bitter about that if I am honest with myself, as that she and her mom both recently bought nice new cars. Now I am somewhat resigned to the fact that I am only a financial support and nothing more. I am ashamed to admit that foolishly I had hoped for more.

I know I have a hard time letting go. I’m still not dating, partly because I know in my heart that I’m still not over someone. I may eventually date, but I was too reckless when my heart was broken and just ended up compounding my hurt.

I’m okay now by myself. I’m not lonely, not looking for love, and not being reckless. I’ve cut a lot of things out in my life that drew my in. I haven’t logged onto Second Life in a long time, and when I have, it was just to program and design, not to role play or be with anyone.

I’ve been exercising and running and even ran a half marathon on my birthday. I think I look better now than I have in years, for what it’s worth. It’s kinda funny because I’m not trying to impress anyone but I do feel better about myself. I get compliments or told that I was a “person of interest” at a party and it’s nice to hear obviously, but it just doesn’t mean much. I’m fine with how I am regardless of how others see me.

There have been more life changes for me recently, but they just haven’t impacted me like they did before. I suppose that having lost so much that was dear to me, I’ve become less attached and more thankful for each day, regardless of what it holds.

If anyone I know happens to read this, know that even if it seems that I’m being distant, I still care. I struggle trying to do the right thing, and often times hold back, but in my heart I hold no one any ill will… even those that my heart is still torn over.

God bless you and grant you happiness…